Honor Them by Living: How to Push Past Grief’s Limiting Messages
As I move further into my grief journey, I find myself carrying a complicated mix of gratitude, sorrow, resilience, and if I’m being fully honest a growing frustration.
Lately, I’ve noticed a troubling trend among some grief content creators, particularly those who, like me, have lost a partner or spouse. And while I fully believe there is space to share the hard, messy, brutal days of grief (because they are real, and they matter), I also believe we have a responsibility, especially with large audiences, to model that hope and healing are possible too.
Grief doesn’t have to mean staying stuck forever.
It makes me incredibly sad to see creators who, years after their loss, are still fueling narratives like “I will never date again,” “I’ll never take off my wedding ring,” or “There’s only one soulmate for me, and they’re gone.” I deeply understand where these statements come from—I truly do. When my fiancé passed away, I was 31 and the pain was so all-consuming that I couldn’t imagine ever smiling again, let alone opening my heart to someone new.
But here’s the thing: grief is a journey, not a destination. And when we tell ourselves things like never or forever, we close the door on possibilities we can’t even see yet.
Limiting beliefs don’t protect us from hurt. They keep us from healing.
I believe a healthier, more hopeful way to frame these overwhelming feelings might sound like:
➔ “I can’t imagine that right now.”
➔ “I’m not sure what that would look like for me yet.”
➔ “Right now, I’m focused on healing and taking it day by day.”
Because guess what? Healing changes things.
New experiences change things.
Time, growth, and courage change things.
Today, I’m living proof that life after loss can be full of love, connection, and joy again. My "chapter two" (as we say in the grief community) is a wonderful man, completely different from my late fiancé, but equally worthy of love and a place in my life. I don’t love one more than the other. I love them differently and that’s not only okay, it’s beautiful.
Replacing someone we lost is impossible, and it’s not the point.
Continuing to live, to experience joy, to build a life we’re proud of… that is the point.
If you’re feeling stuck years after your loss, if nothing seems to change, if the grief feels as raw as it did on day one...I say this with all the compassion in the world: you deserve better.
You deserve a life full of laughter, adventure, new memories, and soul-deep happiness.
And it starts by challenging the limiting beliefs that are quietly telling you otherwise.
Is it easy? No.
Is it possible? Absolutely.
Sometimes, we have to force ourselves to want more for our lives before it feels natural. We have to do the terrifying thing—take off the ring, go on the first coffee date, decorate for Christmas again, allow ourselves to imagine a future we never planned for.
Because our people, the ones we lost, they would want that for us.
They would want us to build beautiful, messy, love-filled lives that honor them not by dwelling in endless sadness, but by living fiercely and fully in their memory.
If you’re stuck in a place that doesn’t feel good anymore, I hope you’ll hear me when I say:
➔ Try new things.
➔ Shift your mindset.
➔ Get uncomfortable.
➔ Reach for joy, even if your hands are still shaking.
You are not betraying your person by healing.
You are not forgetting them by opening your heart again.
You are honoring them by choosing life.
You deserve a big, beautiful, extraordinary life.
Please don’t let your grief—or anyone else’s story about grief—convince you otherwise.
With love and hope,
Shawn
Struggling with limiting beliefs?
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